Tuesday, 17 July 2012

New Words for a New Story

I wondered and wondered about what to post here. Critiques on my current completed manuscript have been plenty and although, there is nothing like enough critiques, I am satisfied where it stands for now.

The WiP I am concentrating on currently is a High Fantasy spanning three continents. And the words I post below are the first ever written for it. Critique it definitely, but do let me know if it engages you.

“How did you make it here in two days? Did you run through daylight?” 

The boy looked confused. “No sire, just the night as usual.”

“Then you must be the fastest runner in the whole of Nordan,” said the noble rising from his chair. “A round of applause for this young lad, please.  And bring him a purse of gold.”

The boy looked as befuddled as he had been when all the court stood up for him and clapped, when he was given a purse full of seven gold pieces.

“Sire, do you wish to deliver this payment to Lord Melvin?”

“Heavens, no! It’s for you. What is your name?”

“Thom, sire.”

“Be off, young Thom. May your fleet feet aid you forever.”

Thom bowed and retreated from the hall, clutching the purse of gold. He was used to earning the crooked tin petals. With this, he could free his house and buy his father’s freedom twice over.

He waited patiently while he was escorted outside the keep’s gates. Then, he took off. He did not know how he had covered a hundred and seventy leagues in two days. But he knew, he wanted to make it back faster.


  1. Yes, it's engaging!

    You said it's ok to critique so...The whole WHAT of Nordan? Nation, country, kingdom? I think that was just deleted. "The boy looked" sent needs reworded. Also, there isn't a comma after "then."

    I love that you start with something actually happening & curious. How did he run/travel so fast? Buy his father's freedom? I want to know more. Great job!

    Nice to "meet" you! Now a new follower. : )

  2. Definately engaging. Makes me want to know more about the society he's living in. Are they endentured servants? Slaves?

  3. By "first ever written", do you this mean this is to be the very beginning of the book, or are you writing out of order? As an opening, it certainly sparks my interest; I just hope some explanatory bits are coming as quick as Thom apparently is, because we really got dropped in the middle, here!